I’ve wanted to do a newsletter like this for a while, one that reminded you that you're on the right track. And given over 700 people subscribed to this newsletter in the last two weeks, now seemed like a good time to do it.
The internet will have you believe that healing is all about £20 candles, specialised journals for writing out your feelings, smiling walks through nature and solo lunch dates.
But healing is messy, it's uncomfortable and more often than not you can't tell if you're coming or going. It eventually turns into a beautiful thing, but it starts out ugly. It’s the ugly part that'll make you feel like you’re not making any progress and convinces you that you’ll never change. Often, people want to skip the ugly part, and I don’t blame them.
When I first realised I had attachment issues, it was very much a double-edged sword. On one hand, I thought okay, something is wrong with me, but its fixable and that's good. On the other hand, I thought, fuck, something's wrong with me.
I felt stupid for never having noticed the patterns in my behaviour. I was the common denominator in all of my bad dating experiences but let me tell it, I did nothing wrong.
Realising that I was a big part of the problem was a slap in the face. Nobody likes facing the fact that they’re their own biggest problem.
Every time I learned something new was like a slap in the face. Codependent. Slap. Poor boundaries. Slap. I only like people who can’t like me back. Slap. My overthinking constantly makes me think the worst and I sabotage opportunities. Slap. I lost count of the number of times I was slapped. And just when I thought life was done throwing hands, I discovered I was a people pleaser. Slap.