So, you're worried they'll treat the next person they date better than they treat you?

So, you're worried they'll treat the next person they date better than they treat you?
Photo by Volkan Olmez / Unsplash

[this post came from a request on TikTok]

I know all too well how this feels. I can remember feeling this way at least twice in the past. And as I think back, both of those times were two of my worst relationships.

At the end of this I'll tell you what happened with both of them when they moved on to other people.

Spoiler alert: neither one of them treated the next girl better.

Here's the thing, I don't think you care about how they'd treat the next person.

Instead, I think the fear is that them treating someone else better will validate your feelings of being unworthy of love.

If they can go out and treat someone else better after refusing to give you what you want, you have it in your head that the new person must deserve love and good treatment but you don't.

At least that was the case with me.

Have you asked what difference it would make in your life if the next person got treated better than you? Apart from the fact that you might constantly wonder what they have that you don't, it wouldn't make any difference.

Its human nature to be sad or slightly jealous of someone getting to be with the person you wanted. But when you genuinely like someone, and your not just preoccupied with the thought of them choosing you, the fear of how they treat their next partner wouldn't exist.

There isn't a straightforward fix to make this fear go away. You have to work to figure out why you believe your not worthy of love.

Who made you believe that?

When did you start believing that?

Why did you believe that your unworthy of love?

In the meantime, you have to change the narrative that hanging on to someone longer will eventually lead them to treat you better.

People can change but if you've constantly tolerated unhealthy or half-assed behaviour, there isn't any incentive for anyone to change how they treat you.

You can’t love anyone from a place of fear so if the only thing that’s keeping you tied to this person it's best to cut them off.

This post is for subscribers only

Already have an account? Sign in.