[member requested post]

I got a DM the other day from a subscriber. She was talking with her friends about how men only pursue women for sex.

They felt like there was something wrong with them, that men never wanted a relationship with them.

It's never a good idea to tie your self-worth to your relationship status. But let's be real, it's not something that you've consciously chosen to do.

With the way that society portrays single people, especially women, as being incomplete or inferior definitely doesn't make it easier to not tie your worth to your relationship status.

While there's no surefire way of avoiding that feeling that people only want you for sex, here are a few things to help minimise the chances of feeling that way.

Be honest about what you want

Being direct about your expectations can be scary if you're afraid of rejection or not used to setting boundaries. But if you want a long-term, committed relationship, you must make that clear from the beginning and before you've had sex. Of course, this requires honesty on behalf of the other person, which of course you have no control over. Trust your gut instinct and, if you can, use past behaviour to determine whether you can trust them or not.

Here are a few ways that you can say this:

  • "It's important to me that we’re both on the same page, I'm looking for something long-term."
  • "Our time together has been great so far. I think we should get clear about where this is heading."
  • "I know that I want a long-term relationship. I don't want this to go any further if you're not on the same page."

Not everyone that you have this conversation with will want the same thing as you. It might help to remind yourself of this before initiating this conversation. If someone has told you that they don't want a relationship or don't know what they're looking for, you have to stop viewing that person as a potential partner. If romantic feelings have already developed, the best thing to do is go your separate ways to avoid heartbreak. Don't fool yourself into thinking they'll change their mind if you try harder to win them.

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They Only Want You For Sex, Never A Relationship