This weekend, I was looking through some of my responses to the entry questions for the Surviving Single Facebook group.
Unsurprisingly, many people said that they struggled with a fear of abandonment.
I mentioned before in a podcast episode how when I was about 17, I remember talking to my friend about a guy I'd been seeing, and I told her, "it's like I have a fear of being left or something".
That feeling stuck with me throughout my dating life, and shockingly, I just brushed it off instead of trying to learn more about it.
Since I'm not dating right now, I'm mindful that there's no reason for me to fear abandonment, but it wasn't a prominent theme anymore when I was dating. Most importantly, it doesn't control my decisions when it comes to dating.
1. INTENTIONALLY CREATING DISTANCE
I always had it in my head that if I didn't speak to someone for a while, they'd forget about me, meet someone else or stop liking me. This thinking made me need constant contact with whomever I was interested in dating. All that did was give me different things to stress over. I'd think things like, why have they stopped replying? Maybe I shouldn't have said that. They're starting to take longer to respond; something isn't right. Intentionally creating distance eliminated those thoughts. Going hours (or days even) without speaking to them and having them reach out or reply when I reached out helped me get used to the idea that people can (and do) come back, and genuine connections aren't so fleeting. If we talk daily? Great. If we don't? I guess there wasn't a need for us to speak today. I wasn't intentionally playing hard to get. It was about letting things naturally happen and disproving my thought that distance creates disinterest.