The Chase

The Chase
Photo by Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash

Have you ever chased after someone after they've stopped showing interest in you?

Yeah, me too.

One of the things mentioned in the Reddit post, the Reddit post that first highlighted my attachment issues, was how people with an anxious attachment style often continue to pursue people who aren't interested in them.

It was me, I was people.

The whole reason I was on Reddit, to begin with was that the guy I'd been seeing was starting to act differently. I knew "the chase" was coming next. It was like an addiction I wasn't aware I had and couldn't break.

I didn't understand why I chased after men who no longer wanted me, but I knew I didn't want to do it again.

Instead of chasing him, I let him know that I noticed he was being distant and gave him the opportunity to make things right.

I didn't really think that it would make a difference, but I was happy to try. I had horrible communication skills. Being able to say that to him was huge.

I spent a lot of time crying and fighting the urge to run after this man at a speed that would've rivalled Usain Bolt.

Feeling him drift away from me was like slow torture. I felt like I needed to be doing something, anything to get him to stay.

That was a common theme in the past. I needed to feel like I gave it my all, as if I did everything to get the other person to want me or see my value.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to give something your all. But I realised that "your all", in terms of dating, is telling the other person how you feel about them and recognising whether or not they felt the same way about you and can move forward in the relationship.

And if they can't? There's nothing else you can do.

We eventually stopped speaking, and while I did take the rejection personally, I didn't chase him.

That was a step in the right direction. It was something that made me proud. And if I could do it once, I could do it again.

Now I have a better understanding of why I used to chase after men. And I've come to realise that the relationship meant for me isn't the one I have to run after.

Apart from one time, when I eventually realised what was happening and ended things, I haven't chased after anyone that doesn't want me.

And I hope this post helps you stop doing it too.

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